All this stuff

I have sat down to write this post a few times, but just haven't.  Not for any reason other than I am recovering from another blast of depression taking it's toll on me and not being able to function.  

It started the week before Spring break.  Really no clue what triggered it.  The weather was cold and wasn't warming up.  It was cold and rainy.  Spring break got here, it still didn't warm up.  That Monday last week was BRUTAL. Trust me when I say if I didn't have kids I would of been in bed most days.  All day.  Not crying, just not feeling anything.  That's the thing.  I haven't been feeling much.  Not to sad, but not to happy either.  The only thing I have been feeling is anxiety.  The kind that makes you scared to leave your house.  The kind that makes you embarrassed to talk about because the thought of explaining it to someone doesn't seem possible.  How do you explain to someone you get anxiety from simply walking to your car and going to the grocery store?  But it happened.  We were in a new place, it was busy...sure enough I started to get hot and I started to sweat.  I walked with my head down to make sure I didn't run into anyone I knew, and made the trip as quickly as I could. 

 Then one day I will see a picture of my father in-law and I feel like I get punched in the gut. I am NEVER going to see his face again. I will never see him playing with my kids again.
That is a really, really hard thing to handle sometimes.
So then what happens is you start to fall further down. Everything piles up, and you feel like you can't breathe sometimes. You walk around in a fog.

 You feel like you are failing at everything and aren't good enough...then you look in the mirror and see someone you don't want to see. That person you have been trying so hard to run from.

The thing is, my girls are getting old enough to know when something is wrong.  I can't keep covering it up.  So when they ask me what's wrong because of a look on my face, I'm not sure what to say.  I just know that I fought to hard to have kids, and I refuse to let my anxiety/depression come in between me and being a good Mom.  

We went to Chicago last week for a couple days.  It was a nice getaway, but we quickly discovered that our trips to Bears games are not the same as a trip with our kids...it was a totally different experience!  The city will always be a magical place for us, and I am so glad we got to experience it with our girls.  Their first cab ride.  Their first time remembering being in a hotel, ghost hunting with Daddy.  It was all a lot to soak in, in just a couple of short days! 

I wont' lie.  The trip was hard at times.  Looking back there were a few things I wished I would of done differently.  I had a couple of breakdowns, but quickly came back up from those.  I reminded myself to look around, and know that I was with the 3 people who make me feel safe and loved the most in this world.  

It doesn't help either that I am dealing with a couple of injuries.  Not being able to workout when you want, not being able to kick your own ass when you know it's the one thing that will make you feel better is super duper damn frustrating. 

So there is all this stuff.  Stuff I am trying to work through.  Because I'm sick of telling you I'm struggling. I truly am.  If anyone in their right mind things I like this...I don't.  This is not for attention, this is not for anything other then sharing my feelings with those of you reading this, and hoping that maybe I can reach one person.  To tell you your not alone.  To tell you there is another person out there who is scared to wake up sometimes because she is worried about how she will feel...

I get it. 

And one day I will be able to tell you I fought this.  That I didn't let it win, that I won.  

I'll get there.  One day the good days will outweigh the bad.  

One day. 

The good, the bad, and the ugly of social media

Do you think of blogging like you think of Facebook or Instagram?  Or are you more drawn to Pinterest?  Is there somewhere else that you are drawn to? I am here to talk to you about the good, the bad, and the super ugly of our social media world.  Well, just how I see it. 

I remember before I was pregnant, I didn't know what Facebook was.  It was started in 2004.  I wonder why on earth I wasn't on there blasting my infertility journey, my soon to be belly pictures, or anything else.  I had the girls in 2008.  Before then, I was on an infertility site where I was sucked into the drama of who was getting pregnant before me, and who was being a catty bitch that day (trust me there were so many woman who I wanted to slap daily) but that's really all I did social media wise.  I decided I should start a Facebook page in 2009 and to be honest I have no idea what the hell I used it for.  I guess to show off pictures of my kids...

 So then in 2011 I became a Beachbody coach.  Social media/Facebook was the place I started my business, and how I have continued to make it grow and thrive.  I have friend who are like family, and support groups that keep me going mentally and physically.  I also have family who live in other states who can keep up with the girls and our world.

 Good right?  Where's the ugly? 

If your human like me, there is this little thing called comparing yourself to others that can really smack you in the face when you are CONSTANTLY on social media. 
 We are constantly wondering what people are doing, when they are doing, what they are wearing while they are doing it, and how long it takes them to do it. On a daily basis. 

It's so freaking important for me to check this one Instagram account every single day and wonder how her life is so perfect...her and her husband.  No kids.  They live in Florida. They travel a lot.  They never have a messy house, they have assistants, and they are always a perfect hot mess...everything about them is picture perfect.

There is also this one Facebook page I check daily, but never comment on..she has kids too..and she does what I do...but she does it so perfectly, and so flawlessly...that every time I go to her page, I end up feeling bad about myself.  

But I continue to go back to that page, everyday...and then I feel bad.  Again. 

I seem to sabotage myself. I am so wrapped up in what everyone else is doing, it's distracting me.  Because for the longest time, I thought that going to these pages and seeing their awesomeness would somehow INSPIRE me.  I would read something someday that would make what I'm trying to do easier. I would come upon the magic potion to make MY life perfect and have everything in place all the damn time.

But guess what?

I haven't yet. 

And today, it smacked me like a shit ton of bricks.

I am letting social media not help me, but hurt me.  

The first time I realized social media was hurting me, was last summer when my daughter was talking to me..I kept saying "hang on" and "I will be right there" 

Then I realized that for 10 minutes I was doing NOTHING but going through the newsfeed on Facebook and missing precious time with her.  And yes, precious time IS hearing something totally not important come from my kids mouth.  Everything she says should be important. So I made it a priority to put down my phone when I was with my kids.  And I have done a hell of a job with that.  Watching shows, playing the park...I am in FULL Mom mode 100% of the time, and am very proud of that.  Sure I have an occasional time where I check a message, but it is short lived.  If the message back is long, I wait to answer it.

 

But then there is the time I am alone...I have a few extra minutes while they are in the tub. I sit down, and pick up my phone...and before you know it, I now know what so and so did today, what they ate, what this person wore, and what she did for her workout. 

Why? 

Why do we waste so much of our precious time on this earth, wondering what other people are doing???  

 Has social media formed our brains to be like this?  And the successful people are the ones who have that part figured out?  Those people know that they are being watched, and not to watch...

 

Let me wrap this up by saying I am not some psycho who stalks people, cries in the corner while sucking my thumb wishing I had another life...I love my life. 

I just need to appreciate it more.  I spent the day with one of my twins today, and at one point we were sitting in the front yard looking at the sky...just talking...and I for one second thought "lets take a picture and post it to facebook so the whole world knows we are doing this at this very moment!" 

Then I paused.

It was our moment.

And I kept it to be our moment, before I gave it away to a million people. 

I'm not sure what this means for me, but I do know I am going to be changing the way I run my life.

MY life.

 

 

 

PB and strawberry oatmeal

I am not a fan of regular oatmeal, at all!  The texture makes me gag...for real.  I can't eat it, and I wish I could because it's so good for me!  And it's a filling breakfast to keep me fuller longer when I want Shakeology after my workout and not first thing in the morning!

Thankfully the 21 day fix Extreme came to my rescue again in the food department.  Check out this oatmeal recipe that uses steal cut oats and doesn't make me gag! ;) 

 

You need

 1 cup of water

1 pinch of sea salt

1/4 cup of steel cut oats

1 tsp. of smooth all natural PB

2 Tbsp. unsweetened almond milk (optional, and I only used 1 Tbsp.)

1 cup sliced strawberries

 

 

1. Bring water and salt to a boil in a saucepan over medium-high heat.

Reduce heat to low

2. Add oats, cook, stirring frequently for 15-20 minutes or until water is absorbed.  Remove from heat and let stand for 5 minutes.

3. Add PB, mix well.  If it's to think add almond milk.

4. Top with strawberries

So, so good!  

Enjoy! :)

Beachbody on Demand is here!

 The day has finally come!  Beachbody is going digital!  

What is Beachbody on demand? 

Basically this means you can stream any workout in the digital library to your laptop, tablet, or mobile device.  You just need to have internet connection!  You also are going to have access to the program guides and workout calendars so you can get started TODAY.  If your one that gets bored easily have no fear...it will be updated monthly with new workout programs so you will have plenty of options to keep you on your toes!  

I think this is geared to people who aren't quite ready to commit to a full 60-90 day program.  I know there were days when I wanted to do Turbo Fire, then 21 day fix workouts, then maybe something else! 

What workouts are included with Beachbody On Demand? 

-P90X base and deluxe kits

-P90X2 base and deluxe kits

-P90X3 base and deluxe kits

-P90X one on one volume 1

-Insanity base and deluxe kits

-Insanity, The Asylum volume 1

-Turbo Fire

-Brazil Butt lift base and deluxe kits

-ChaLean Extreme 

-10 minute trainer

-Hip hop Abs

You also get an insider "sneak peak" of the new releases, so you can can sample a workout before you buy the DVD program.

-21 Day Fix Total Body Cardio Fix 

-21 Day Fix Extreme Plyo Fix Extreme 

-Piyo sweat 

-Focus T25 Alpha Cardio 

-Insanity Max 30 Sweat Intervals

-Body Beast Build Chest and Tris

-P90 Sculpt A

 How can you get Beachbody on Demand?  

So you can get this by signing up for club membership through your Beachbody account.  Club membership is already pretty awesome!  You get celebrity trainer chats, and INSTANTLY have access to a full meal planner fit for your needs.  On demand is the icing on the cake!  

And not to mention, it's CHEAP.  For just $2.99 a week ($38.87 for 90 days) you can get all that!  How amazing right?

And to jump-start your new healthy lifestyle, this will also be available in a challenge pack. Here is what's included in a BBOD challenge pack.
~90 day premium membership to Team Beachbody club with on demand.  After 90 days you will be billed the quarterly club membership price.
~30 day supply of Shakeology
~$140 is the price for this....you save $28 by buying the two together as opposed to buying separate!

BBOD will launch by the end of the day TODAY!!

Editing to add....
I just got my sneak peak look at this...OMG!  So, so cool!  Seriously, you don't want to miss out!
So to get JUST the steaming videos, and access to club membership, click HERE to make your account with me as your coach.
And if your wanting to do the 30 day supply of Shakeology along with it, you can do that by using this link HERE. 

So excited for my customers to have access to all of this cool stuff!