Thursday, August 29, 2013

Running~love it or hate it.

Correct me if I am wrong, but running.  You hate it, or you love it.  I have never been one to enjoy running.  Living in the Midwest, it's hot in the summer, muggy, I have terrible allergies, my sweat pours into my face, and honestly I just don't care for it.  
Ever since becoming a Beachbody coach, I have done a ton of workouts.  I have pretty much only worked out inside.  I have given running a few chances, but after about 1 week I'm done.  I start making excuses again.  
Something hit me this week.  And you know how sometimes you say your not sure what hit you.....I know what it was.  One of the pages I follow on Facebook, who has become a really close friend of mine, made a post about running.  You can read that here, it's a really good, emotional post.  
She is a cancer survivor, and her post really hit home for me.  I have always wanted to be a "runner."  To feel what if feels like to release the negativity from your life by lacing up and running.  But I never could.  And here's the thing.  Did I ever really give myself a chance?  I have quit so many times.  I think I finally figured out why I was quitting.
It's challenging for me.  It's really, really a challenge.  I'm so used to being in the comfort of my own home that the thought of heading outside is just not something I want to do! So I make excuses, and I just about my business telling myself "you aren't a runner." 
Why not though?  What if I started to go out there, and show myself that I was, indeed, a runner?  What if I stopped saying I couldn't, and proved to myself that I could?  What if...I signed up for a 5K this fall.  What if....I learned to love it, and became a runner? 

This week I have ran twice this week, and I plan on running a couple more days.  I am really sore, and don't want to push it.  From here on out I will continue to track my journey on my blog, but here are my first couple days!!  Not to and I'm feeling pretty good. :)

Day 1

Aug 27, 2013 11:02am

So I did it. I dropped the girls off at school, and made the decision to just get it done. I walked upstairs, sat in front of the fan on my bed, and for a second thought I'll just do it later. But I knew I wouldn't.
Those thoughts quickly went away, and I thought about all the support from my post last night. And thought about the ones who would check on me. That's they power of a support system. Not only do you let yourself down, you let others down too.
It was hot. I tried to run in the shade. We live in an old neighborhood so we have a lot of tress which is nice. Once I ran directly in the sun, I started just dripping. But I just pushed through, turned up my music and got through it.
My phone for some reason has "laps" so at one point I checked how far I had been and it wasn't even a mile. I thought oh jeez, I am not doing good! So I ran more. Then I got home, and looked at it and it said .54 of a mile....okay, something wasn't right lol. I expected to run about 2 miles, but I did more. Not to bad....although I still hope to understand how some of you out there run 10+. Hell, even 5+ for me right now lol.


 


Day 2 Aug 28, 2013 1:51pm I hit the neighborhood for a run again today. I did 2.41 miles in 35 minutes, then came home and did 25 minutes of weights from T-25 Gamma. I'm telling you I did not want to do anything after my run, but I changed clothes (I was soaked) and got it done. I'm feel good, proud, happy, accomplished, and SORE. Is there anyway I could stop running now? I mean, sure there is. But it would just be me failing. At something that is so challenging to me, but doing it gives you that huge sense of accomplishment. This might be a new chapter opening for me.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

PPD-your not alone!

I wrote this back in April of 2008.  The girls were 3 weeks old.  I will never forget that visit to the doctors office.

3 weeks old!
Wow, its kind of gone by quick. Really next week they will be a month old? These first weeks that we were in a daze, Im going to look back and probably get upset I didn't enjoy them more. Its so hard to when your dealing with 2 newborns, and your not sleeping!
The girls are growing up so much. I have been so bad about pictures, but starting tomorrow will start taking more! They are actually fitting into up to 10 pound diapers already. I was kind of sad when I realized they have grown so much they don't fit into the Premmies. They are a little big on Alex still, but they fit Abby well.
Since you have all been reading my journal since day 1, I guess I can share some personal info with you guys. I have been diagnosed with depression. It started out as a case of the baby blues it what they call them. Started in the hospital. Crying for no reason, all that. I know its normal. But what I was feeling wasn't normal. I was anxious, having panic attacks, feeling helpless, feeling like a bad mother, feeling like I needed to be away from the babies...hell, I wanted to go back to the hospital where I could rest, be taken care of, and I could get a break. Then I was feeling guilty for feeling the was I was feeling. I waited YEARS for these girls. I wanted to be a Mom more than anything in the world. I was so confused on why I was feeling this way. We went to the doctor last week, and Wes actually had to bring it up to my doctor b/c I was ashamed to talk about it. I told her I was just weepy, and held back how I was really feeling. But it got worse..everyday I felt worse. And my poor husband was feeling it too, b/c he was so worried about me he was doing almost everything!! Telling me he could take care of the babies, you just relax. I knew I had to do something. So I went back to the doctor, and she said she was not surprised to see me. She said when the husband brings up the depression, its usually not just the "baby blues" and she thought he was concerned about me, which he was. I just didn't want to admit I needed help. I did to my friends online, and a lot of them opened up and told me I was not alone, and between them and Wes, convinced me to talk to her. She put me on 2 different kinds of medication, and it seems to help a little bit. Im on Xanax and Zoloft. Im on the lowest does of Xanax, and I think I might have to up that. Im still having panic attacks after I take one.
Anyway, I think Im finally over feeling guilty for going through this. I was just scared. I was not bonding the way I wanted to with my girls. I was not being a good wife, and was not being a good Mom. But I got help. And I think things will start to get better soon. I do feel better already, but still have my moments.
The girls are staying with Grandma and Grandpa this weekend. I didn't even ask, Grandma offered! I think it will be great for Wes and I to have a night alone. I know an hour after I drop them off, Ill miss them like crazy.
Thats all for now!

If you are a new Mom and think you might be experiencing PPD, please don't wait a day longer.  Go to your doctor and let them help you!!