We all go through ups and downs, but some of us handle the downs better then others. I handle my downs very poorly. I then tend to shy away, and don't ask for help until it gets to the point of breaking me. I have hit that point.
While shopping for new clothes today I was reminded of how I have been treating my body the past 6 months. I remember how I felt last summer...now I sit here 11lbs heavier and wonder why I let myself do this. 11lbs might not seem like much to you, but it is to me. I worked so very hard to reach a goal, and held on to that for a long time...winter hit, depression kicked my ass, and so began the downward spiral. It's not just about the weight gain. It's about the emotions and feelings that come along with it. I wanted someone to save me. I wanted someone to come to me and tell me to get my head out of my ass, to remember why I started this journey and to tell me I wasn't going to go down that road again. But not very many people knew. And honestly, it's up to us to want to be saved and helped. No one can do it for us. I could of asked for help, but I didn't. So where do I go from here? I'm giving myself a few days to get a game plan going. At this point, I'm not really sure. Some days I don't have the motivation to get out of bed...getting my life back on track seems like a huge task and I'm scared I will fail again. Because who says I won't? It seems to be what I do best.
They say that loving yourself is the first thing you have to learn how to do. And I will say it's the honest to God truth. When you love you, the way you look, the way you feel, you change. The way you carry yourself changes, your facial expressions change, your outlook on life changes. I have been at both ends of those feelings. Last summer was when I felt my best, the best I have felt in a long long time. Now I'm here again.
I know I can fight this. I know I can change things, lose the weight I gained and feel better. And I will. It just took me hitting rock bottom again to make a change. Lets hope this time, it's the last time.
Wish me luck.
While shopping for new clothes today I was reminded of how I have been treating my body the past 6 months. I remember how I felt last summer...now I sit here 11lbs heavier and wonder why I let myself do this. 11lbs might not seem like much to you, but it is to me. I worked so very hard to reach a goal, and held on to that for a long time...winter hit, depression kicked my ass, and so began the downward spiral. It's not just about the weight gain. It's about the emotions and feelings that come along with it. I wanted someone to save me. I wanted someone to come to me and tell me to get my head out of my ass, to remember why I started this journey and to tell me I wasn't going to go down that road again. But not very many people knew. And honestly, it's up to us to want to be saved and helped. No one can do it for us. I could of asked for help, but I didn't. So where do I go from here? I'm giving myself a few days to get a game plan going. At this point, I'm not really sure. Some days I don't have the motivation to get out of bed...getting my life back on track seems like a huge task and I'm scared I will fail again. Because who says I won't? It seems to be what I do best.
They say that loving yourself is the first thing you have to learn how to do. And I will say it's the honest to God truth. When you love you, the way you look, the way you feel, you change. The way you carry yourself changes, your facial expressions change, your outlook on life changes. I have been at both ends of those feelings. Last summer was when I felt my best, the best I have felt in a long long time. Now I'm here again.
I know I can fight this. I know I can change things, lose the weight I gained and feel better. And I will. It just took me hitting rock bottom again to make a change. Lets hope this time, it's the last time.
Wish me luck.
