Can I borrow some of your holiday spirit?

This is normally such a super crazy awesome time for us.
It's Christmas, you know.
The kiddos are off from school for a couple of weeks, I'm rushing around to get gifts, listening to holiday music, watching movies, looking so forward to Christmas Eve with y in-laws and Christmas morning with my hubby and girls.  We laugh and play games, sit in front of the fire and watch movies...it's our favorite time of the year.  Absolute favorite.

This year is different. 
I'm snappy with my girls.  I don't have patience. Nothing about shopping is exciting, looking at my tree and I'm ready to take it down. Last year it was up until almost February.  I don't smile much.  My husband is lethargic and just tonight had a meltdown thinking about his first Christmas without his Dad.  He doesn't meltdown like me for the world to see...he does it in his own way, you know, the way men do things.

How, where, when, can I find our holiday spirit?  When will it hit us?

I would like to say I should just suck it up, put on a happy face and be freaking happy...

But damn it. It's hard.
But you know what?
We have to, and are going to, and will snap out of this. 
You know why?

Because my mother in-law wants one thing for Christmas.  She's normally a hard person to buy for anyway, and never gives me ideas.  This year, she had one request. 

"I just want you all to be happy, that's all I want." 

 She's dealing with her first Christmas without her husband.  And she wants US to be happy.  She doesn't want us to be sad. 
That's just the kind of person she is. 
A pretty super awesome, special kind of person.